WWJDD

On and on, reckless abandon

Something's wrong, this is gonna shock them

Well what update about my life would be complete without some recounting of my Saint Patrick’s Day first. Ladies and Gentlemen I, Jeff Eckmann, got totally hammered. I had no intention of becoming drunk….it just sort of happened. To make the point that I am not exaggerating let me explain. I couldn’t see my cell phone when I held it in front of my face…it was too blurry. Ok where to start.

Elaine is in Alaska this week visiting her sister. She knew I had always wanted to go to the Irish festival on St. Patrick’s Day at Kells Irish Pub downtown. Since she wouldn’t be here she set it up so I would go with Stacy our close mutual friend and several other friends. In the end everyone was unable to attend except Stacy and I. I was dropped off there an hour and a half or so before her. I got a few beers…three I think. Then I went into the Kells portion to listen to the traditional Irish band. There was this girl doing traditional Irish dances there which totally rocked. The only reason I mention her here is she crops up later in the story. Stacy arrived latter and by then I might have been close to tipsy. We went together and got another beer, and a shot of whiskey….or was it a shot of whiskey and then another beer…I don’t know. This is when the memories start to get a bit disjointed. At some point I got a free tee-shirt…I dropped it so much that Stacy had me put it on so I wouldn’t lose it. At some point we got free cups…at some point we filled them an indeterminate number of times with alcohol. When we were back in the tent I was telling Stacy about the dancing girl. I remember this part fairly well so I can narrate it.
Me: “Yeah that awesome girl who was dancing is that girl in the green tank top.”
Stace: “Ok, follow me.”
Me: “Wait…why? Where are we going?”
Stace proceeds to walk over to the girl and start talking to her. The rock band is loud and I don’t here a single word of it. The dancing girl looks at me and holds out her hand.
Girl: “Here.”
Me: “Ok….”
I take her hand and she leads me to an open space.
Girl: “Now hold my hand up in the air like this.”
I do and then she does a few turns of dancing around me.
Girl: “There you go.”
Me: “uhhh…Thanks a lot.”
I sheepishly walk back to Stacy who is trying not to laugh. We walk away and she starts laughing.
Me: “What the hell was that?! I couldn’t hear a word you said.”
Stace: “I told her I heard she was a great dancer. And she asked if I had heard it from the guy standing next to me and I said that you said that if I talked to her that she would dance with you.”
Me: “Are you serious?”
It was pretty funny actually, even then. I am pretty sure that I know now what kind of drunk I am, though Stacy is really the only one who can know for sure. I am not a mean drunk, or a loud drunk. I am a maudlin drunk. I am one of those guys who gets really emotional and does the whole “no seriously, you are the greatest friend I really love you, no seriously I mean it” thing. I think at one point I might have even kissed Stacy on the top of the head (like you would a child) to make the point clear. That was the part of the story that Ryan Sey laughed the hardest at; me, sloppy drunk and emotional, kissing Stacy on the top of the head like she was five just because of what kind of a drunk I am. I view her almost as a sister so I don’t feel weird that it happened at all. Still though overall, being drunk wasn’t my proudest moment. The whole last part I was so gone that if I didn’t have a wall to lean on I had to hold on to Stacy to keep from falling on my ass. I was even marked by an alcohol monitor with the red X of inebriation. Stace had gone to the bathroom and I was leaning against a wall and this guy walks up to me. “Can I see your hands?” He says. And though I think its an odd request (I couldn’t actually see straight enough to know he was an alcohol monitor at the moment) I gave him my hands which he marked with a big red X. Stace came back and explained what it meant..We tried to remove it….but they planned for that and used semi-permanent marker. Those tricksy devils. And as far as memories go that about covers it. I did try to buy Stacy a drink. We went to the bar proper and I pulled out a ten…..after I wrestled my wallet out of my pocket…not an easy feat. To be honest removing the ten was just as hard and getting the ten to the right spot on the bar took a couple tries. The bar tender took one look at me…one look at the ten and then he helped somebody else. Stacy took the ten and got the beer for us. I don’t know if we both got one or just her. By that point anytime we walked anywhere I had to hold her hand so I wound up in the right place. Needless to say by 11:30 Stacy helped me call my sister to drive me home. I spent the next two days recovering. Apparently since that was the first time I have ever been drunk in 26 years of life my liver had a rough time of it. Sort of like if you only ever painted with those paint by the numbers, just add water sets and suddenly someone gave you oil paints and expected a well executed Flemish landscape by the weekend.
So there go folks….as Ryan says it “wwjdd.” What Would Jeff Do Drunk. I wish I could remember that myself.

Stacy, I can't thank you enough. Thanks for being my gaurdian angel, keeping me upright, and making sure I left with my free shirt. You're a great friend, and no I havent been drinking again.