Sometimes you have to hurt that which you love

I brought the bad news

Could you take it from me

Coming from me

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Came as a gift from a good friend

That dissaproves

But understands

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Consult your friends adults and kids

Hear out what they have to tell you

Even if it hurts you

Even if it kills you

Sometimes loving someone means hurting them. When I say that I simply mean that sometimes the most loving thing is a difficult thing that hurts both parties. Nobody wants to have those hard conversations with a friend, spouse, or person their dating where they point out the problems. I think though that the people the people close to us who confront us when we are in the wrong are the only true friends we have. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people say that they don’t want to do anything to hurt someone because they love them so much. It seems to me that the truly loving thing to do is to give the person the truth, give them the chance to learn, give them the chance to improve and become a more mature and developed person even though it hurts. Life hurts and attempting to shield someone at the expense of the truth only stunts them. I dated a girl for two years before I married Elaine. When I broke up with her it wasn’t easy because I knew it would hurt us both but I also looked at it from the long term perspective. Yes it would hurt in the moment but I saw only worse from staying in it. If I had stayed in it because I loved her to much to hurt her than what I would have been doing would not have been love, it would have been conflict avoidance. Elaine and I are honest with each other and call each other when we are out of line, it’s not always easy and it can hurt but honesty from a friend is better than well meaning half-truths or lies. In so many marriages I have seen it is so common for spouses to “pick their battles” usually meaning they don’t call the other on anything except for those acts that are so obviously wrong that even they can’t justify ignoring it. I don’t know. The more I think about it I have to admit I doubt this approach. Keeping your head down to keep a functioning home seems to me to be short sighted. Marriage is about helping the other become more Christ-like and if that is the end goal than aren’t we abandoning our role if we don’t help our spouse grow. Growth is hard, growth is painful, and growth requires change. If we approach our marriage as just maintaining than how are we acting in love? It seems more self-preservation than love. We are only responsible to do the right thing, not how the other party responds. If you point out what’s wrong and try to work with your spouse to fix it that’s all you can do. They may despise you for it, they may leave you in the worst case scenario, but regardless you have to do the right thing. People let so much go, selfishness, and all those verbal swats of disrespect just to maintain. If not for the betterment of your spouse or your emotional health than call it for the kids you might eventually have. Trust me kids see everything; I know I did, and it won’t be good enough for them to watch you let things go no matter how you explain it. You have to fight to make you marriages function in a healthy way. You have to be honest despite pain to be a good friend. You need to be willing to cause pain, when it is the truth, to be loving. You are responsible only for your actions not the others response.

Luke 21:
21 When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?"
22 Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."