Every morning I sit across from you at the same small table, the sun all over the breakfast things

Sometimes you have to hurt that which you love

I brought the bad news

Could you take it from me

Coming from me

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Came as a gift from a good friend

That dissaproves

But understands

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Consult your friends adults and kids

Hear out what they have to tell you

Even if it hurts you

Even if it kills you

Sometimes loving someone means hurting them. When I say that I simply mean that sometimes the most loving thing is a difficult thing that hurts both parties. Nobody wants to have those hard conversations with a friend, spouse, or person their dating where they point out the problems. I think though that the people the people close to us who confront us when we are in the wrong are the only true friends we have. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people say that they don’t want to do anything to hurt someone because they love them so much. It seems to me that the truly loving thing to do is to give the person the truth, give them the chance to learn, give them the chance to improve and become a more mature and developed person even though it hurts. Life hurts and attempting to shield someone at the expense of the truth only stunts them. I dated a girl for two years before I married Elaine. When I broke up with her it wasn’t easy because I knew it would hurt us both but I also looked at it from the long term perspective. Yes it would hurt in the moment but I saw only worse from staying in it. If I had stayed in it because I loved her to much to hurt her than what I would have been doing would not have been love, it would have been conflict avoidance. Elaine and I are honest with each other and call each other when we are out of line, it’s not always easy and it can hurt but honesty from a friend is better than well meaning half-truths or lies. In so many marriages I have seen it is so common for spouses to “pick their battles” usually meaning they don’t call the other on anything except for those acts that are so obviously wrong that even they can’t justify ignoring it. I don’t know. The more I think about it I have to admit I doubt this approach. Keeping your head down to keep a functioning home seems to me to be short sighted. Marriage is about helping the other become more Christ-like and if that is the end goal than aren’t we abandoning our role if we don’t help our spouse grow. Growth is hard, growth is painful, and growth requires change. If we approach our marriage as just maintaining than how are we acting in love? It seems more self-preservation than love. We are only responsible to do the right thing, not how the other party responds. If you point out what’s wrong and try to work with your spouse to fix it that’s all you can do. They may despise you for it, they may leave you in the worst case scenario, but regardless you have to do the right thing. People let so much go, selfishness, and all those verbal swats of disrespect just to maintain. If not for the betterment of your spouse or your emotional health than call it for the kids you might eventually have. Trust me kids see everything; I know I did, and it won’t be good enough for them to watch you let things go no matter how you explain it. You have to fight to make you marriages function in a healthy way. You have to be honest despite pain to be a good friend. You need to be willing to cause pain, when it is the truth, to be loving. You are responsible only for your actions not the others response.

Luke 21:
21 When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?"
22 Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."

you're a voice that never sings, is what I say

But now that the sun sets

Wasn’t it a perfect storm?

The thing about the whole getting drunk thing that really bothers me now is not so much that it happened. Granted there are things about it that I don’t like, but overall I don’t care. It has driven me nuts the way so many of the people I know react to the information with an awkward “hmmmm…..well…..that’s not good” and look down with awkward disapproval. So this is what it feels like to be on the outside, I have always felt like an outsider but usually people don’t seem to notice it. This time they did. The only people who seem to be at all amused are Elaine, Ryan, Stacy, and my dad. This was a new experience and of course I want to talk about. Why then do these people insist on acting as though I wronged them or embarrassed them in some way? The only people I embarrassed were myself and Stacy. Then-in is my only regret. So Stacy if you read this here is my apology.

1. I’m sorry I got so hammered I wasn’t able to look out for you. Next time we go out, I’ll stay sober enough that we can look out for each other.
2. When I left I am really sorry I didn’t make sure you were ok for getting home yourself, which was negligent.
3. Lastly I’m sorry I ended our night at 11. The U2 cover band hadn’t even come out yet and I regret it largely because I had such a good time with you I wish it could have lasted longer.

That, as far as I am concerned, is the only thing that needs apology and the only thing I feel bad about.

WWJDD

On and on, reckless abandon

Something's wrong, this is gonna shock them

Well what update about my life would be complete without some recounting of my Saint Patrick’s Day first. Ladies and Gentlemen I, Jeff Eckmann, got totally hammered. I had no intention of becoming drunk….it just sort of happened. To make the point that I am not exaggerating let me explain. I couldn’t see my cell phone when I held it in front of my face…it was too blurry. Ok where to start.

Elaine is in Alaska this week visiting her sister. She knew I had always wanted to go to the Irish festival on St. Patrick’s Day at Kells Irish Pub downtown. Since she wouldn’t be here she set it up so I would go with Stacy our close mutual friend and several other friends. In the end everyone was unable to attend except Stacy and I. I was dropped off there an hour and a half or so before her. I got a few beers…three I think. Then I went into the Kells portion to listen to the traditional Irish band. There was this girl doing traditional Irish dances there which totally rocked. The only reason I mention her here is she crops up later in the story. Stacy arrived latter and by then I might have been close to tipsy. We went together and got another beer, and a shot of whiskey….or was it a shot of whiskey and then another beer…I don’t know. This is when the memories start to get a bit disjointed. At some point I got a free tee-shirt…I dropped it so much that Stacy had me put it on so I wouldn’t lose it. At some point we got free cups…at some point we filled them an indeterminate number of times with alcohol. When we were back in the tent I was telling Stacy about the dancing girl. I remember this part fairly well so I can narrate it.
Me: “Yeah that awesome girl who was dancing is that girl in the green tank top.”
Stace: “Ok, follow me.”
Me: “Wait…why? Where are we going?”
Stace proceeds to walk over to the girl and start talking to her. The rock band is loud and I don’t here a single word of it. The dancing girl looks at me and holds out her hand.
Girl: “Here.”
Me: “Ok….”
I take her hand and she leads me to an open space.
Girl: “Now hold my hand up in the air like this.”
I do and then she does a few turns of dancing around me.
Girl: “There you go.”
Me: “uhhh…Thanks a lot.”
I sheepishly walk back to Stacy who is trying not to laugh. We walk away and she starts laughing.
Me: “What the hell was that?! I couldn’t hear a word you said.”
Stace: “I told her I heard she was a great dancer. And she asked if I had heard it from the guy standing next to me and I said that you said that if I talked to her that she would dance with you.”
Me: “Are you serious?”
It was pretty funny actually, even then. I am pretty sure that I know now what kind of drunk I am, though Stacy is really the only one who can know for sure. I am not a mean drunk, or a loud drunk. I am a maudlin drunk. I am one of those guys who gets really emotional and does the whole “no seriously, you are the greatest friend I really love you, no seriously I mean it” thing. I think at one point I might have even kissed Stacy on the top of the head (like you would a child) to make the point clear. That was the part of the story that Ryan Sey laughed the hardest at; me, sloppy drunk and emotional, kissing Stacy on the top of the head like she was five just because of what kind of a drunk I am. I view her almost as a sister so I don’t feel weird that it happened at all. Still though overall, being drunk wasn’t my proudest moment. The whole last part I was so gone that if I didn’t have a wall to lean on I had to hold on to Stacy to keep from falling on my ass. I was even marked by an alcohol monitor with the red X of inebriation. Stace had gone to the bathroom and I was leaning against a wall and this guy walks up to me. “Can I see your hands?” He says. And though I think its an odd request (I couldn’t actually see straight enough to know he was an alcohol monitor at the moment) I gave him my hands which he marked with a big red X. Stace came back and explained what it meant..We tried to remove it….but they planned for that and used semi-permanent marker. Those tricksy devils. And as far as memories go that about covers it. I did try to buy Stacy a drink. We went to the bar proper and I pulled out a ten…..after I wrestled my wallet out of my pocket…not an easy feat. To be honest removing the ten was just as hard and getting the ten to the right spot on the bar took a couple tries. The bar tender took one look at me…one look at the ten and then he helped somebody else. Stacy took the ten and got the beer for us. I don’t know if we both got one or just her. By that point anytime we walked anywhere I had to hold her hand so I wound up in the right place. Needless to say by 11:30 Stacy helped me call my sister to drive me home. I spent the next two days recovering. Apparently since that was the first time I have ever been drunk in 26 years of life my liver had a rough time of it. Sort of like if you only ever painted with those paint by the numbers, just add water sets and suddenly someone gave you oil paints and expected a well executed Flemish landscape by the weekend.
So there go folks….as Ryan says it “wwjdd.” What Would Jeff Do Drunk. I wish I could remember that myself.

Stacy, I can't thank you enough. Thanks for being my gaurdian angel, keeping me upright, and making sure I left with my free shirt. You're a great friend, and no I havent been drinking again.

Sure it looks like a Quagga, but does it taste like a Quagga?

The title is a direct quote from Ruedas, my conservation biology professor and one of my favorite teachers of all time.

Well it’s come to my attention that I haven’t posted a blog in two months. Two months…that’s some serious neglect. So what’s going on in the world of Jeff? Well I finished up the term this week. I have to say I liked my classes a lot and I feel like I did pretty well in them. Even if I did let myself get a little under the gun at the end.
Elaine: “So when’s this 10 page research paper due?”
Jeff: “Oh……well….Tuesday.”
Elaine: “This Tuesday?! It’s already Friday!”
Jeff: “Look I’ll get it done…..then I’ll write the other paper for Wednesday and then get my in class presentation good to go for Friday.”
But hey it came together; my paper was pretty damn good. The two classes for those interested in the details were Conservation Biology, and Ecology of Rivers and Streams. Just for kicks I will share some highlights and memorable characters.

First I present the “Loud Guy” from conservation biology.
He was the guy who always had to put in his own two dollars to every conversation. One of those guys who always uses the animal’s scientific name, even if he doesn’t know it. One of those guys who says things like, “oh yeah like the Potamopyrgus antipodaru, I heard those are all over the place in Colorado” on a regular basis. I will present my personal favorite moment.
The guy starts off in class on a tangent about some animal.
Girl next to me turns to me and says: “I don’t think that he knows what animal he’s talking about. He said concolor and I am pretty sure that’s a cougar…..but I think he is trying to talk about a toad.”
Me: “Well….what can you do. Trying to look smart can get squirrelly on you pretty quick.”

Next I present the “The Professor Needs My Approval Girl” from stream ecology.
She was the girl who nodded enthusiastically to every point the teacher made. Without fail she would give some assent, be it just barley audible or through obvious body language.

There was the “Naive Girl” from conservation biology who got manhandled by the teacher on the last day of class when she said that one could “take the conservation lessons learned in the class to poorer nations and educate them on stewardship so they could apply them to their natural resources.” If anyone doesn’t see the inherent stupidity in this statement I can elaborate for you. The professor response was awesome.

One thing these classes did for me was give these weird moments where I actually felt smart. I mean really ahead of the game. Just times when I could see the flaws in the others statements even before the teacher pointed them out. I haven’t ever felt more than average and so those rare moments were I do feel more than that are really surreal for me. Like the time when we picked topics for the in class presentations.

At the front of the room is a list of possible topics. Under invasive species are aquatic plants, or invasive fish species. Both topics catch my eye but while I am deciding a girl comes up to the front.
Girl: “Do you mind if I slip in here and sign up.”
Me: “Oh, by all means, go for it.”
The girl selects aquatic plants and goes back to her seat.
I sing up for invasive fish species and sit down too.
Girl: “What did you sign up for?”
Me: “Invasive fish species, I know a bit about it already. What about you?”
Girl: “Aquatic plants…”
Me: “Oh cool, I almost signed up for that one. It’s a really good topic. The Mediterranean is fairly overrun already, a lot of these plants they can’t even stop. All it takes for the worst one is a plant fragment for it to grow and establish itself.” I was starting to warm to the topic.
Girl: “Really?”
Me: “Yeah….its a pretty big deal.” I had assumed people just generally knew this stuff.
Girl: “Oh….I just chose it ‘cause I thought it would be easy.”
Me: “Yeah, it should be.”
And then that was it and it occurred to me she had asked not because she cared about the topics. She had just wanted to chat with me. “Look”, I thought “talking about ideas and animals I can do. I can do it like a champ. However if it’s small talk you want, some sort of relational beginning, then unfortunately I got nothing. May I suggest the loud guy for that endeavor, sure his jokes are terrible but I can assure you he can do the small talk thing. He likes that.”

Soooo where was I? Oh yeah class was good and now its over until the next term.

Next term; Ecology and Biology of Phytoplankton, and I am pretty excited. Biology of Phytoplankton….can I get a hell yes.