I spent my whole life blaming the piano

I have decided, as per Elaine’s suggestion, to begin to write a series of short stories encompassing some ideas I have. My thing is ideas; I have created two universes one more based in science fiction and another more fantasy themed. I have given each its own history, races, and ecology. It’s the thing I bemoan the most probably. I have these ideas, I am continuously expanding them. The thing is I am not a good writer, I never have been. Maybe I should rephrase that a little. I am not a good enough writer to be even close to satisfied with my own creations. For my whole life I create things in my mind and lacking expression they are eventually lost. So I am going to try to remedy that. I have given it some thought and if I could emulate or absorb the skills of various writers this would be my top five listed in descending order.
1. Steven King; for his range of topics, amazing character development (i.e. The Dark Tower Series) say what you will the man is gifted.
2. Nick Hornby; I love his books, his characters are excellent and I love the way he does his dialogue.
3. Susanna Clarke; is another excellent creator of characters, plotlines, and settings. The thing in particular that makes me hold her in such high regard is the use of footnotes that cite other books, fictional legends and histories that she makes up in such a way as to create a comprehensive world in which her novel is set. It always bothers me when you read a sci-fi and the characters are discussing a book published in 1994 when the story is set in 2257. Did they just stop writing books in 1995 or something? Seriously, just make up some novels for your characters to read.
4. Douglas Adams/ P.G. Wodehouse; their humor and grasp of comedic timing have yet, in my opinion, to be matched.
5. Dan Simmons; this one may come somewhat as a surprise but the thing about his writing that got me wasn’t his characters (though they were quite interesting but not necessarily stellar) and it wasn’t his plotlines (though they were original). The reason Dan Simmons makes this list is because when I read the book Hyperion he was so good at describing the terrain I could almost see it. The book is interesting and definitely worth reading but what I wish I could do with my writing is make the audience see what I see. When I imagine my stories I see them as a movie in my mind. When I write about the guy walking back to his house on the edge of the marsh I see the tall grass and the low lying fog with a few small motes of bioluminescent insects. I don’t know how to describe it and sometimes it feels like these images and these places are trapped inside my mind.

So that’s my list of authors whose skills I wish I had. I could do the same thing with artists. Because I would make field guides to the biology and ecology of all my worlds in which my stories and novels were set. But that’s the thing isn’t it. I am lazy and a part of me doesn’t even want to start because the outcome would disappoint. Elaine is right though, something is better than nothing. I don’t know it’s late and I should be asleep but I am sitting here still. I see clearly in moments how I hold back from action in fear of failure. I guess in a way giving up is merely aiming for small comforts and letting myself fall backward into the void that has pursued me my whole life. The only way to keep from falling is to keep moving. Tomorrow I will call PSU and get the ball rolling on my Master’s and I will start looking for jobs for December. I will plan my stories and write them simply because it is in me to do so.
….and who knows, getting published was always on of those dreams for me that was equitable with the whole Monday Rising post-punk band daydreams.