I had this idea, the timing as it usually is for me was terrible, but I couldn’t resist devoting a great deal of thought to it. There was a gnome statue at a friend’s house and while we were all together for bible study I just kept starting at the gnome imagining it with a musket and regimental markings on its cap. I envisioned whole brigades of armed gnomes fighting so titanic Civil War style battle. I was entirely anti-social that night for obvious and really pathetic reasons. Ah the supple joys of being introverted and imaginative.
Today I devised a story to go with the image. I shared it with my wife whose response of “Enchanted yard gnomes?” was accompanied by a raised eyebrow. Her view which I understand actually is part of the reason that I think the story works.
Ok so lawn gnomes are made in the fictional world where magic is an everyday occurrence and these yard gnomes are enchanted in such away as to enable them to actual tend people's lawns. Thereby providing cute little grizzled men to adorn and care for people’s gardens. My idea has it that the nature of the enchantment eventually allows these mass produced gnomes to achieve sentience. They, upon achieving self-awareness the gnomes arm themselves (insert another sympathetic race to make the weapons) and revolt against the humans who made them. After throwing off the yoke of their makers the gnomes are plunged into a civil war between a uneasy alliance of gnomes who seek either magic used to destroy their enchantments and sink into oblivion on their own and those who would use human ends to erase their self awareness and return to the vague nearly catatonic haze that they enjoyed as yard workers. Their opposition would be from gnomes who seek independence from the makers they despise but refuse to lose what they see as a gift and a curse. So the story would follow their creation rise to sentience, civil war and eventual establishment as an independent empire.
The kicker, the part that really gets me is bound up in my wife’s response. To her they idea of yard gnomes in general is a ludicrous one. They are in our eyes laughable. So then this documentary about their real (ok fictional but you know what I mean) struggle to define themselves and find their place in the world would be rendered comic. Do you see it? Even in their attempt to define themselves they are rendered by their very nature to be nothing more than a joke.
And for me, I can relate.
Today I devised a story to go with the image. I shared it with my wife whose response of “Enchanted yard gnomes?” was accompanied by a raised eyebrow. Her view which I understand actually is part of the reason that I think the story works.
Ok so lawn gnomes are made in the fictional world where magic is an everyday occurrence and these yard gnomes are enchanted in such away as to enable them to actual tend people's lawns. Thereby providing cute little grizzled men to adorn and care for people’s gardens. My idea has it that the nature of the enchantment eventually allows these mass produced gnomes to achieve sentience. They, upon achieving self-awareness the gnomes arm themselves (insert another sympathetic race to make the weapons) and revolt against the humans who made them. After throwing off the yoke of their makers the gnomes are plunged into a civil war between a uneasy alliance of gnomes who seek either magic used to destroy their enchantments and sink into oblivion on their own and those who would use human ends to erase their self awareness and return to the vague nearly catatonic haze that they enjoyed as yard workers. Their opposition would be from gnomes who seek independence from the makers they despise but refuse to lose what they see as a gift and a curse. So the story would follow their creation rise to sentience, civil war and eventual establishment as an independent empire.
The kicker, the part that really gets me is bound up in my wife’s response. To her they idea of yard gnomes in general is a ludicrous one. They are in our eyes laughable. So then this documentary about their real (ok fictional but you know what I mean) struggle to define themselves and find their place in the world would be rendered comic. Do you see it? Even in their attempt to define themselves they are rendered by their very nature to be nothing more than a joke.
And for me, I can relate.
5 comments:
I like the photoshoped gnome picture. But never use Papyrus font ever again... never. Every time you use Papyrus font, a gnome that has gained self-awareness dies in a meat grinder.
I didn't even notice the font it was what photoshop had up and I thought it looked alright. Does the hatred stem for from the fact that you know what the font on a papyrus would look like for real? Because I can see how something like that would bother me if I were you.
I like that the gnome has a tattoo on his hat. And why would he use a musket? I think a private first class gnome deserves at least an M-1903 Springfield if not a BAR. None of this single-shot crap!
No, my hatred for Papyrus font is purely artistic. It's just plain overused, the only thing worse is Comic Sans. The only writing I see on actual papyrus is greek.
Ryan, I must agree with you.
Jeff, NOOOOW I know what quiet people are thinking when they're quiet. It makes me feel better to know it's things like that instead of, well, what I think they might be thinking.
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