“Daylight fading
Come and waste another year
All the anger and the eloquence are bleeding into fear”
Last Saturday Elaine and I were graciously allowed to attend the Andersons Company bowling night. I had a really good time. Jared and his girlfriend Megan were there as well as his brother in-law Nate and his sister Heather. We all bowled on a lane together, drank beer and enjoyed ourselves and the alleys exceedingly inaccurate computers. (I.e. A gutter ball might get you a score of three pins and a strike might only get you eight.) I got an award for most unusual approach. Apparently I bowl as if the lane personally wronged me. Megan asked if it had perchance killed my father.
It was a good party and I was struck by how nice it must be to work for a company that does that kind of thing. It wasn’t just that they threw their employees a party, the manner in which they did it really, in my opinion anyway, showed the employees that they were valued and that they had a direct stake in the company. I wish the jobs I have had were more in that vein. I have had some jobs I really liked but they all lacked the sense of community that the Andersons company has.
I thought about it and the answer was very simple. In every job I have ever had I was replaceable. Then again I have always been replaceable. I am and have always been supremely average. I am a hard worker. Any job I am given I do to the best of my ability. I guess the truth is my ability just isn’t that impressive. In the second part of my college experience I focused to graduate, I worked hard for the average grades I got. I got my degree and the act, though it is meaningful to me, is still average. The fact that my degree is not that wonderful has been made readily apparent by my employment difficulties. I can’t get the experience I need. It honestly looks like I am going to need to get a masters after all. And get it sooner than I had planned.
This last week I guess I have just been discouraged by the way it’s gone. We all want to be important, respected, and talented. Sometimes I am fine with being average but every so often; when the day dreams are vivid it almost makes me sad. I know how Eric feels with his writing and his programming because I feel exactly the same with my degree, accomplishments, and the little I have learned vs. the majority I have forgotten. When I was younger I used to get angry and vow I would come back to all those people who said I would never amount to anything after I had “made it”, whatever that meant, and show them. I suppose I have accomplished more than a lot of people would have assumed I would. But I haven’t been anything more than average, so it’s nothing to brag about, nothing surprising.
This whole last week I haven’t called any of my friends, not that I didn’t want to talk to them, its just I couldn’t find the mood to dial (I hope that makes sense to somebody). I feel bad about it.
“Eventually guilt will be our defining characteristic.”
Last Saturday Elaine and I were graciously allowed to attend the Andersons Company bowling night. I had a really good time. Jared and his girlfriend Megan were there as well as his brother in-law Nate and his sister Heather. We all bowled on a lane together, drank beer and enjoyed ourselves and the alleys exceedingly inaccurate computers. (I.e. A gutter ball might get you a score of three pins and a strike might only get you eight.) I got an award for most unusual approach. Apparently I bowl as if the lane personally wronged me. Megan asked if it had perchance killed my father.
It was a good party and I was struck by how nice it must be to work for a company that does that kind of thing. It wasn’t just that they threw their employees a party, the manner in which they did it really, in my opinion anyway, showed the employees that they were valued and that they had a direct stake in the company. I wish the jobs I have had were more in that vein. I have had some jobs I really liked but they all lacked the sense of community that the Andersons company has.
I thought about it and the answer was very simple. In every job I have ever had I was replaceable. Then again I have always been replaceable. I am and have always been supremely average. I am a hard worker. Any job I am given I do to the best of my ability. I guess the truth is my ability just isn’t that impressive. In the second part of my college experience I focused to graduate, I worked hard for the average grades I got. I got my degree and the act, though it is meaningful to me, is still average. The fact that my degree is not that wonderful has been made readily apparent by my employment difficulties. I can’t get the experience I need. It honestly looks like I am going to need to get a masters after all. And get it sooner than I had planned.
This last week I guess I have just been discouraged by the way it’s gone. We all want to be important, respected, and talented. Sometimes I am fine with being average but every so often; when the day dreams are vivid it almost makes me sad. I know how Eric feels with his writing and his programming because I feel exactly the same with my degree, accomplishments, and the little I have learned vs. the majority I have forgotten. When I was younger I used to get angry and vow I would come back to all those people who said I would never amount to anything after I had “made it”, whatever that meant, and show them. I suppose I have accomplished more than a lot of people would have assumed I would. But I haven’t been anything more than average, so it’s nothing to brag about, nothing surprising.
This whole last week I haven’t called any of my friends, not that I didn’t want to talk to them, its just I couldn’t find the mood to dial (I hope that makes sense to somebody). I feel bad about it.
“Eventually guilt will be our defining characteristic.”
1 comment:
The title of this post was supposed to have been "I am Walter Mitty" but I forgot to write it and since I can't figure out how to change the title I figured I would put it here. Obvious reference but it fits.
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