“You may tire of me
As our December sun is setting
Because I'm not who I used to be”
“We're the kids you used to love
As our December sun is setting
Because I'm not who I used to be”
“We're the kids you used to love
But then we grew old
we’re the lifers here till the bitter end
Condemned from the start”
It has been awhile since we talked on the phone and I admit it’s good to hear from you. I have always kept those I have ever been fond of in my active thoughts. But if this talk has done nothing else it drives home how all those we know are trapped in our memories as we last saw them. Bugs trapped in amber. That’s how we exist in each others memories. So tonight it will take time to update all my knowledge of you. And as for me, it’s a wonder you can even recognize me. You last saw me when we were young. Back when the question “What do you want to do with your life?” was a bullshit question posed by well meaning teachers. Our answer then was a shrug and visions of a future with a flat in the city, parties with our friends nightly, and weekends at the coast. I would admit that my answer would be the same but now the question has our lives and the lives of our lovers riding on our answer. And I am different. Its funny how it works and I know you don’t notice yet the change but in time it will be apparent. The things you remember best about me are still there but they have been eclipsed. I am much more reserved now, older and pessimistic. And you have changed too. It is funny sometimes how time can render those you think you know strangers. But we move forward relationally with the past an unstated baggage that serves to remind us of our collective history but will apply little at present. And all those things I eventually meant to say will be buried even as the form in my mouth. Because this is the new me, but the same me, and if you remember what came before this might disappoint you.
It has been awhile since we talked on the phone and I admit it’s good to hear from you. I have always kept those I have ever been fond of in my active thoughts. But if this talk has done nothing else it drives home how all those we know are trapped in our memories as we last saw them. Bugs trapped in amber. That’s how we exist in each others memories. So tonight it will take time to update all my knowledge of you. And as for me, it’s a wonder you can even recognize me. You last saw me when we were young. Back when the question “What do you want to do with your life?” was a bullshit question posed by well meaning teachers. Our answer then was a shrug and visions of a future with a flat in the city, parties with our friends nightly, and weekends at the coast. I would admit that my answer would be the same but now the question has our lives and the lives of our lovers riding on our answer. And I am different. Its funny how it works and I know you don’t notice yet the change but in time it will be apparent. The things you remember best about me are still there but they have been eclipsed. I am much more reserved now, older and pessimistic. And you have changed too. It is funny sometimes how time can render those you think you know strangers. But we move forward relationally with the past an unstated baggage that serves to remind us of our collective history but will apply little at present. And all those things I eventually meant to say will be buried even as the form in my mouth. Because this is the new me, but the same me, and if you remember what came before this might disappoint you.
1 comment:
I think you hit the nail on the head. Old friends remind us of those days when we were naive, when we looked through the world full of optimism, before life brought us events that makes it less shiny and pretty. As much as we say we are different though, we dont change. circumstances change, our reactions and our outlooks change, but who we are doesnt. Those who are true friends see that even through time.
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