They had a fake sorting hat at the place we got our new Harry Potter book. Guess which house I was? Fits don’t it? One Guess what Elaine’s was.
I am backlogged again on my blog. I have nearly 10 events, developed thoughts and general ideas that I had aimed to land on this page. But I didn’t take the time and now I am tired. So I’ll do it one sad little nugget at a time.
Action point 1. (This one has been sitting for about two weeks) Petco corporate has filed a grievance with my store. It seems, by their standards, too many people are coming into our store and buying singular items. This condemnable purpose in shopping has lead to the reinstatement of the dreaded “One More Item” policy. What everyone at the store is content to view as people just knowing what they want to buy before they arrive at the store, has a much more sinister appearance to the desk jockeys at corporate (What would a real desk jockey actually look like I wonder?). Because you know, we can’t have people just buying one item, its just unpatriotic!
Clerk: “Anything else for you today sir?”
Guy: “No just the soda.”
Clerk: “Well you know what goes good with a soda…….brine shrimp!”
Guy: “Uhhh…yeah, don’t have any pets, I just got thirsty.”
Clerk: “No pets?!! Well I’ve got just the thing!”
*A few minutes latter the clerk is trying his heart out to make the hamster he’s holding stop trying to bite him and look cute for the customer*
Guy: “Did that hamster just pee on you?”
Clerk: “ummmm…no….not at all…..he just...ummm yeah he did. Normally they don’t do this...”
Guy: “Sure look, I’ve got some friends coming over later so I gotta skate.”
So on top of pressuring us to try to sell people more stuff, they have required each employee to have an item they personally recommend. You will all be pleased to know I tackled this new challenge with the “oh I’ll give a hand... course the only part I’m offering is my middle finger” attitude you can expect from me.
So then my personal product recommendation is……drum roll please… Otocinclus sp.!!
There are two main reasons:
1. It benefits the customer.
It is a peaceful freshwater community fish that stays around 2 inches full grown and eats brown and green algae very effectively. The small size, voracious appetite, and peaceful temperament make them a good addition to any size freshwater community tank. Most of our customers have tanks 20 gallons or smaller and need something to eat algae but really do not have tanks big enough for most species of Plecostomus they are likely to find. Also this fish is inexpensive, which is always a plus.
2. It gives corporate the finger.
The company is trying to push the sale of the plecostomus, so my personal recommendation directly contradicts the company recommendation. The fish I recommend is the least expensive algae eater we carry. And finally we don’t even have it in the store half the time, so I end up sending people to one of the local tropical fish specialty stores. Now this isn’t me just being vindictive against a soulless corporation, though that’s part of it. The customer who has a small tank usually has community fish, which rules out Chinese Algae Eaters and Plecos, leaving the only obvious solution... the Ottocinclus. I simply refuse to sell the Pleco just to make the company an extra buck but leaving the customer with a fish that won’t even be able to move around in their tank in a year’s time.
The other criminally stupid stipulation corporate gave was that our item had to be recommended to each customer we served. Muse on that for a minute, ponder what that would require, and shake your head in disdain. Most people have a dog or a fish; few have one of every animal we carry in the store. Almost everybody else chose dog items. How are you going to sell that to the guy with the reef tank? “Pardon me sir, but could I interest your sea anemone with a marrow bone?” In closing I will share one of my coworkers reactions to the whole bit.
Clerk: “What’s this thing?”
*gesturing towards the signup sheet*
Manager: “Personal product recommendation, corporate wants each employee to have one.”
Clerk: “You’re kidding. No wait…you’re serious?”
Manager: “Yeah you have to pick something.”
Clerk: “Oh oh can I pick anything!! I want to pick the most random item I can.”
Manager: “Well it has to be something you recommend to every customer.”
*looking tired, because after all it’s not something he wants to do either*
Clerk: “To everybody!? But that’s impossible….oh wait….ok I know what I want to recommend. It’s perfect. I recommend a diet Coke; it’s refreshing and has less sugar than regular coke.”
*manger just gives her a helpless and completely pained look*
Clerk: “Oh alright I’ll think of something good. Don’t worry don’t worry.”
As my last act of consciousness in this post before I release it to sleep in the folder with its brothers I make this request - Watch the music video for the Modest Mouse song "Dashboard", it’s about fishes and technology and old men in bars….I was amused.
I am backlogged again on my blog. I have nearly 10 events, developed thoughts and general ideas that I had aimed to land on this page. But I didn’t take the time and now I am tired. So I’ll do it one sad little nugget at a time.
Action point 1. (This one has been sitting for about two weeks) Petco corporate has filed a grievance with my store. It seems, by their standards, too many people are coming into our store and buying singular items. This condemnable purpose in shopping has lead to the reinstatement of the dreaded “One More Item” policy. What everyone at the store is content to view as people just knowing what they want to buy before they arrive at the store, has a much more sinister appearance to the desk jockeys at corporate (What would a real desk jockey actually look like I wonder?). Because you know, we can’t have people just buying one item, its just unpatriotic!
Clerk: “Anything else for you today sir?”
Guy: “No just the soda.”
Clerk: “Well you know what goes good with a soda…….brine shrimp!”
Guy: “Uhhh…yeah, don’t have any pets, I just got thirsty.”
Clerk: “No pets?!! Well I’ve got just the thing!”
*A few minutes latter the clerk is trying his heart out to make the hamster he’s holding stop trying to bite him and look cute for the customer*
Guy: “Did that hamster just pee on you?”
Clerk: “ummmm…no….not at all…..he just...ummm yeah he did. Normally they don’t do this...”
Guy: “Sure look, I’ve got some friends coming over later so I gotta skate.”
So on top of pressuring us to try to sell people more stuff, they have required each employee to have an item they personally recommend. You will all be pleased to know I tackled this new challenge with the “oh I’ll give a hand... course the only part I’m offering is my middle finger” attitude you can expect from me.
So then my personal product recommendation is……drum roll please… Otocinclus sp.!!
There are two main reasons:
1. It benefits the customer.
It is a peaceful freshwater community fish that stays around 2 inches full grown and eats brown and green algae very effectively. The small size, voracious appetite, and peaceful temperament make them a good addition to any size freshwater community tank. Most of our customers have tanks 20 gallons or smaller and need something to eat algae but really do not have tanks big enough for most species of Plecostomus they are likely to find. Also this fish is inexpensive, which is always a plus.
2. It gives corporate the finger.
The company is trying to push the sale of the plecostomus, so my personal recommendation directly contradicts the company recommendation. The fish I recommend is the least expensive algae eater we carry. And finally we don’t even have it in the store half the time, so I end up sending people to one of the local tropical fish specialty stores. Now this isn’t me just being vindictive against a soulless corporation, though that’s part of it. The customer who has a small tank usually has community fish, which rules out Chinese Algae Eaters and Plecos, leaving the only obvious solution... the Ottocinclus. I simply refuse to sell the Pleco just to make the company an extra buck but leaving the customer with a fish that won’t even be able to move around in their tank in a year’s time.
The other criminally stupid stipulation corporate gave was that our item had to be recommended to each customer we served. Muse on that for a minute, ponder what that would require, and shake your head in disdain. Most people have a dog or a fish; few have one of every animal we carry in the store. Almost everybody else chose dog items. How are you going to sell that to the guy with the reef tank? “Pardon me sir, but could I interest your sea anemone with a marrow bone?” In closing I will share one of my coworkers reactions to the whole bit.
Clerk: “What’s this thing?”
*gesturing towards the signup sheet*
Manager: “Personal product recommendation, corporate wants each employee to have one.”
Clerk: “You’re kidding. No wait…you’re serious?”
Manager: “Yeah you have to pick something.”
Clerk: “Oh oh can I pick anything!! I want to pick the most random item I can.”
Manager: “Well it has to be something you recommend to every customer.”
*looking tired, because after all it’s not something he wants to do either*
Clerk: “To everybody!? But that’s impossible….oh wait….ok I know what I want to recommend. It’s perfect. I recommend a diet Coke; it’s refreshing and has less sugar than regular coke.”
*manger just gives her a helpless and completely pained look*
Clerk: “Oh alright I’ll think of something good. Don’t worry don’t worry.”
As my last act of consciousness in this post before I release it to sleep in the folder with its brothers I make this request - Watch the music video for the Modest Mouse song "Dashboard", it’s about fishes and technology and old men in bars….I was amused.
7 comments:
You want to know what a desk jockey looks like? ::Points at self::
And that Modest Mouse song rocks. Stevo introduced me to it awhile ago actually; that band has a way of making me smile even if I have no idea what they're singing about.
I don't understand the concept of corporate filing a grievance with a store. I'm pretty sure it should be the other way around. But according to corporate, that's probably not allowed, right? That's messed up.
Well its not exactly a a formal grievance with a store. Its more a memo thats says something to the effect of: "x% of sales at your store are for zero items. Lets all feel the sales passion by enacting these new policies!! Get your sales associates excited to more more product!!" this memo is joined with a management memo saying essentually. "To help keep your employees motivated use the new tracking system to moniter sales associate preformance. Also use the new program to track how many of the personal recommendation items they are selling. Each associate must make an extra dollar per transaction. If an assiocate isnt making their quota help them increase their productivity."
Then they keep tabs on us and if we don't "get it together" the GM has to have phone conferences with the regional head to explain what steps he is taking to make the store more in the corporate image.
This already happened. The GM had to have a bi-weekly phone conference with the regional guy becuase we werent selling enough canine education classes. He hated it.
After perusing the Petco website, I found what I would want to try and forcibly sell to the unwitting customers. Pet Memorials (http://www.petco.com/product/102121/For-Infinity-Monument-Memorial.aspx).
Guy comes through the line buying something and then you hammer him with questions about all of his dead pets. The caption on their picture for the dog memorial makes no sense:
"Forever loved runt
Used 9 lives
In a cookie hunt"
I understand that it i a haiku... but what the hell? Do dogs have nine lives? I thought that was cats? And the "in a cookie hunt" is just baffling.
I just saw that you can write reviews of products...oh man.
Nice job sneaking in the SGC2C quote, btw. Now if you will excuse me, I'm gonna go in the alley and break all the glass.
I think I'd pick a thoroughbred greyhound puppy. "Okay, one half-ounce bottle of betta fish flakes. Would you like a racing dog with that?"
Rybear, you've obviously never been on a cookie hunt. Holy crap, those cookies are vicious in the wild. I went with these guys from high school; Andrew was lacerated across the back by a double-chocolate with white chocolate chips, and I won't even mention what happened to Mike. It still keeps me up at night, and it's the reason I can't eat peanut butter cookies anymore.
Bird seed. It's perfect!! Consumable for both birds and some forms of human. It's also convenient for throwing at people...who ever said it was only appropriate at weddings? Use it at all your social events!! And, as an added plus you can keep handfuls in your pockets on Snowy days. Toss it on the ground as you walk to ensure better traction.
This is fun. I think I like Corporate PetCo. :)
~Pammy
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