So a couple days ago at work I got a call, one I was sure had to be a joke. I thought that the person on the other end was putting me on and since it was the end of the day and I was tired. I got a little miffed and thought, “Oh, you want to make up crap eh? 'Cause I can bullshit 'till the Cascades erode down to hills. You want to dance, lets @#$$%## dance!” Needless to say she eventually hung up on me and my coworker claims I lost us a customer, but I feel justified. Here is a transcript of the conversation, submitted for your approval.
Me: “Tigard Petco this is Jeff. How can I help you?”
Her: “What pet would be good for *remainder muffled*”
Me: “I am sorry? What pet would be good for what?”
Her: *aggravated sigh* “I said what pet would be good for a little *remainder muffled*”
Me: “Ok, well how much space do you have for the pet?”
Her: “I want to keep it in my son’s room”
Me: “In that case I would suggest a rat or a teddy bear hamster. Rats are intelligent and if you get them young, they become very friendly. Hamsters each have their own personalities so they aren’t as sure a bet.”
Her: “Do they bite hard?”
Me: “Well, I suppose they could. They don’t bite that often and rarely all that hard.”
Her: “Because I want to get a pet that bites hard so I can use it to punish my son. Like when he’s bad throw it on him or make it bite his fingers or something.”
Me: “um………………………….that’s not good. We really don’t give pets for that...”
Her: “I just want to know. So would a rat bite harder or…?”
Me: *having had enough* “Well yeah they bite pretty hard. We also have scorpions which can sting and it hurts like the devil. We have tarantulas too but I doubt they would be aggressive enough for your tastes.”
Her: “So do the scorpions always sting?”
Me: “If you irritate them enough I am sure they will. We also have lionfish; of course they are harder to take care of.”
Her: *sounding irate* “I am not special &*@#@ Ed. I know how to take care of fish. Do they hurt?”
Me: “Yeah it would be like having your hand skinned while conscious, but they are expensive.”
Her: “How much do they cost?”
Me: “Oh ...like 150, 200 something like that.”
Her: “So how much do they cost?!”
Me: “Well, the thing is, Lionfish are worth their weight in gold...”
Her: *interrupting* “Worth their weight in gold? But how much…”
Me: “Precisely. The thing is though, the prices change every half hour. It really depends who is on shift. We once thought about standardizing our pricing but we had been drinking and…
*she hangs up*
Final score:
The Eckmann 1
The crazy lady 0
The thing that kind of scares me though... what if she was serious? *shudder*
Me: “Tigard Petco this is Jeff. How can I help you?”
Her: “What pet would be good for *remainder muffled*”
Me: “I am sorry? What pet would be good for what?”
Her: *aggravated sigh* “I said what pet would be good for a little *remainder muffled*”
Me: “Ok, well how much space do you have for the pet?”
Her: “I want to keep it in my son’s room”
Me: “In that case I would suggest a rat or a teddy bear hamster. Rats are intelligent and if you get them young, they become very friendly. Hamsters each have their own personalities so they aren’t as sure a bet.”
Her: “Do they bite hard?”
Me: “Well, I suppose they could. They don’t bite that often and rarely all that hard.”
Her: “Because I want to get a pet that bites hard so I can use it to punish my son. Like when he’s bad throw it on him or make it bite his fingers or something.”
Me: “um………………………….that’s not good. We really don’t give pets for that...”
Her: “I just want to know. So would a rat bite harder or…?”
Me: *having had enough* “Well yeah they bite pretty hard. We also have scorpions which can sting and it hurts like the devil. We have tarantulas too but I doubt they would be aggressive enough for your tastes.”
Her: “So do the scorpions always sting?”
Me: “If you irritate them enough I am sure they will. We also have lionfish; of course they are harder to take care of.”
Her: *sounding irate* “I am not special &*@#@ Ed. I know how to take care of fish. Do they hurt?”
Me: “Yeah it would be like having your hand skinned while conscious, but they are expensive.”
Her: “How much do they cost?”
Me: “Oh ...like 150, 200 something like that.”
Her: “So how much do they cost?!”
Me: “Well, the thing is, Lionfish are worth their weight in gold...”
Her: *interrupting* “Worth their weight in gold? But how much…”
Me: “Precisely. The thing is though, the prices change every half hour. It really depends who is on shift. We once thought about standardizing our pricing but we had been drinking and…
*she hangs up*
Final score:
The Eckmann 1
The crazy lady 0
The thing that kind of scares me though... what if she was serious? *shudder*
9 comments:
Oh man, I wish I had been there to hear that.
yeah thats right I finally went toe to toe with a customer and it was everything I ever dreamed it could be!
Yes, give in to your feelings! Your hate makes you strong and gives you focus. Now go to Petco and do what must be done. Soon there will be peace in Tigard!
Jeff, I can't think of a better way to have dealt with that. Brilliant!
that was awesome! i haven't laughed that hard in awhile, jeff, so thank you.
let us all take a moment of silence for that woman's son, just in case.
I get crazy callers like that at the library. Sometimes I roll with it, and other times they fluster me. It just depends on my mood when the call comes in, I guess. But it's preferable to dealing with them in person! Now that really sucks!
Lainey told me to come read this. That is the stinkin funniest thing I have heard in a long long time. :) Thanks for transcribing it for us all. Though, I do feel kinda bad for laughing if she really was serious.
Pam
You have really great taste on catch article titles, even when you are not interested in this topic you push to read it
You have to express more your opinion to attract more readers, because just a video or plain text without any personal approach is not that valuable. But it is just form my point of view
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