The fading holidays

Merry Christmas All!!!

To commemorate the holiday I present Imogen Heap lyrics.
I can relate to them from my own holiday experiences over the years.

Just for now

It's that time of year

Leave all our hopelessness's aside

If just for now (just for now) leave awhile

tears stop right here

I know we've all had a bumpy ride.

I'm secretly on your side

How did you know?

It's what I always wanted

Could never have had too many of these

Well I, quit kicking me under the table

I'm trying; will somebody make her shut up about it?

Can we settle down please?

It's that time of year

Leave all our hopelessness's aside

If just for now (just for now) leave awhile

tears stop right here

I know we've all had a bumpy ride.

I'm secretly on your side

Lie down

Deep breaths

Count to ten

Nod your head

I think something is burning

Now you've ruined the whole thing

Muffle the smoke alarm

Whoever put on this music?

Better quick shop remove it

Pour me another

Oh, don't wag your finger at me

It's that time of year

Leave all our hopelessness's aside

If just for now (just for now) leave awhile

tears stop right here

I know we've all had a bumpy ride.

I'm secretly on your side

Get me outta here

Get me outta here

The Return

Well I am back in Oregon now. I have returned from my stint in Los Angeles. It has been pointed out that I need to update my blog.
I enjoyed the job I did in Long Beach. The internship at the Aquarium of the Pacific was educational and will look good on a resume. Granted there was still a lot left unlearned when I left, but that was just an unavoidable byproduct of the constraints imposed in the nature of the internship. I spent most of my working time doing fairly routine feedings, maintenance, and other animal care. Much of what I did sounds a lot more exotic than it actually is (i.e. feeding Black Tip Sharks). Than again mot many people get to do things like that so who’s to say what’s exotic or not, it all depends on the standards of comparison. I won’t go into detail about the specifics of what I did here since most people wouldn’t know what I was talking about anyway. If anyone has any specific questions I will answer them but in this forum I will be vague. I was scheduled to work twenty hours a week but I worked late most days. I can see myself doing this job or something similar for a career. I was deeply content at work. I tend to rate the jobs I have had by the baseline feeling I have for them. I was interested in staying on but as I am now I am not considered really ready. I need my master’s, a dive certification, and more experience. So I have moved back to Portland to try to accomplish those goals. When I wasn’t working I just hung out with my friends. It was like finally being done, being free of the unending struggle to reach a place in my life where I can say I have arrived at a destination. I got a lot of the you're “reliving college again” sentiment from others and I think it was an inaccurate assumption. Life is better lived in close community with ample time to pursue your hobbies and interests. By all means work hard, but there is much more to life than that.
So that I guess is the job summary. I spent three months working in an ongoing effort to pursue my strange obsession. The ocean and its denizens fill me with a great sense of joy and wonder, I can lose myself in them for hours. I figure I have to work, and I figure that though I may not be the best at fisheries science I don’t feel nearly as passionate about anything else. So you have to do what you love.

The other most significant part of the three months was living with Ryan and living close to Eric. I am back in Oregon now and it is colder here, in every way. I miss already the relational closeness I feel toward those men. Forgive me if I become maudlin, I blame Sigur Ros who is supplying this posts soundtrack. Here in Portland my relationships are either figments, strained in odd ways by circumstance, or just beginning. I once wrote of this place as an empty place where ghosts lived, overdramatic certainly, but somewhat accurate. What can I say for the three months I lived with my best friends? These are people I could tell anything, there are no secrets. I already have had the urge to drive south again. My friends down there are the greatest men I have ever known.

So I am here in Portland trying to find my way again.