Happy Halloween!Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
my Halloween rant.....I apologize for the length
Ryan: “So this lady was making a huge deal that the church call it a harvest festival and not a Halloween party.”
Jeff: “Well, why don’t you call it a festival of darkness instead, that would really screw with people.”
I know my colleague Ryan has already posted a blog about Halloween and I am sure he is much more convincing than I but since it’s that time of year I thought why not give it a shot too. The thing that really pisses me off about this time of year is the ignorance it brings out it many Christian communities. I can’t tell you how many churches and church goers are adamant about not celebrating Halloween and instead focus on producing harvest parties. The sad thing is this just shows the lack of thought, research, and historical perspective these Christians bring to the table. Lets ponder this first, how the holiday is celebrated. It is the same whether you call it Halloween or a harvest festival. Both ways you let people get dressed up for a party and provide games and free candy for the attendants. So really though if you are trying to move away from the “dreaded pagan origins” and you think that calling it a harvest festival is doing that let me enlighten you. The holiday is believed to have originated in Ireland, and is known in Irish as Oíche Shamhna, literally "Samhain Night". Pre-Christian Celts had an autumn festival, Samhain, "End of Summer", a pastoral and agricultural "fire festival" or feast, when the dead revisited the mortal world and large communal bonfires would hence be lit to ward off evil spirits. In summary the original pagan event was pretty much a harvest festival. Halloween is actually a holiday instigated in part by the church. Pope Gregory IV standardized the date of All Saints' Day, or All Hallows' Day, on November 1 in the name of the entire Western Church in 835. As the church day began at sunset, the holiday coincided exactly with Samhain. So really if a historical and even logical approach is taken is makes more sense that we call our celebrations Halloween celebrations rather than calling them harvest festivals. Now a lot of people object to the pumpkins, costumes, and trick or treating because of supposed roots in evil but I think this too is rather foolish. These symbols even if they were at one time symbols of darkness have by this point lost any connection to their past. The vast majority of celebrators world wide have no idea where the symbols come from or regard the holiday as anything more than another excuse to dress up, party, and get loads of free candy. I would argue that most of the Christians who object have very little idea of the origins of the things to which they object. Let me run down the list of the top three focusing primarily on their appearance in the States.
The jack-o'-lantern can be traced back to the Irish legend of Stingy Jack, a greedy, gambling, hard drinking old farmer who tricked the devil into climbing a tree, and trapped him by carving a cross into the trunk of the tree. In revenge, the devil placed a curse on Jack which dooms him to forever wander the earth at night. For centuries, the bedtime parable was told by Irish parents to their children. So basically the origin is a superstitious urban legend and just because the story involves the devil it doesn’t make it anymore than a story. Many early American folklore tales involve similar storylines. The carved pumpkin was associated generally with harvest time in America, and did not become specifically associated with Halloween until the mid to late 19th century. So honestly the American association is almost entirely benign. You who are objecting to these, do you know the legend of stingy jack and more importantly does it matter? When you watch those anti-Halloween propaganda films they usually tie the tradition to Scotland where Children used to dress up in costumes and carry around a "Neepy Candle," a devil face carved into a hollowed out Neep, lit from inside, to frighten away the evil faeries. Yes ladies and gentleman fairies, not evil spirits as the narrator will try to convince you. Are you really worried that your children will be influenced to believe in fairies if they light a pumpkin? And if so did you let your kids watch Peter Pan or read Anderson’s Fairy Tales? I rest my case.
The main event for children of modern Halloween in the United States and Canada is trick-or-treating, in which children disguise themselves in costumes and go door-to-door in their neighborhoods, ringing each doorbell and yelling "trick or treat!" to solicit a gift of candy or similar items. Halloween was perceived as the night during which the division between the world of the living and the otherworld was blurred so spirits of the dead and inhabitants from the underworld were able to walk free on the earth. It was believed necessary to dress as a spirit or otherworldly creature when venturing outdoors to blend in, and this is where dressing in such a manner for Halloween comes from. This gradually evolved into trick-or-treating because children would knock on their neighbors' doors, in order to gather fruit, nuts, and sweets for the Halloween festival. Once again I want to point out that the origins of the costumes are almost entirely unknown to the majority of and therefore irrelevant. People don’t dress up to fit in with the spirit world they, at present, dress up to fit in at the office party. Furthermore in an American context although the practice resembles the older traditions of guising in Ireland and Scotland, ritual begging on Halloween does not appear in English-speaking North America until the 20th century, and may have developed independently.
The imagery surrounding Halloween is largely an amalgamation of the Halloween season itself, nearly a century of work from American filmmakers and graphic artists, and a rather commercialized take on the dark and mysterious. If you are against Halloween I would suggest that the position is largely one you were likely fed by another uninformed person and I suggest looking into it yourself. If the “suspect origins” bother you let me give you another reason to just get over it. Let’s, just for kicks, lay out the origins of Christmas. A winter festival was traditionally the most popular festival of the year in many cultures. Reasons included less agricultural work needing to be done during the winter, as well as people expecting longer days and shorter nights after the winter solstice in the Northern Hemisphere. In part, the Christmas celebration was created by the early Church in order to entice pagan Romans to convert to Christianity without losing their own winter celebrations. Most of the most important gods in the religions of Ishtar and Mithra had their birthdays on December 25. Various Christmas traditions are considered to have been syncretised from winter festivals including the following: Saturnalia, Natalis Solis Invicti, and Yule. Another example of a tradition with pagan origins that was lost its association with them entirely and become benign would be the twelve days of Christmas which were derived from the winter festival called Yule, held in the late December to early January period. Yule logs were lit to honor Thor, the god of thunder, with the belief that each spark from the fire represented a new pig or calf that would be born during the coming year. Feasting would continue until the log burned out, which could take as many as twelve days. I would argue that if you are overlooking all the associations on other holidays why then do you focus your lens on Halloween? Admit it’s just because it seems darker than others but if all you have is a gut feeling without evidence than it is useless for arriving at truth.
In closing I have this to say. This Halloween spend time with the people you love, get dressed, go to a party, give kids candy and try to make everyone’s night splendid. Let the church provide kids with safe places off the streets to get their sugar fix, let them be artistic with a gourd. Honestly I am positive you will be a better witness for Christ, more loving to others, and make better use of the life God has given you.
Jeff: “Well, why don’t you call it a festival of darkness instead, that would really screw with people.”
I know my colleague Ryan has already posted a blog about Halloween and I am sure he is much more convincing than I but since it’s that time of year I thought why not give it a shot too. The thing that really pisses me off about this time of year is the ignorance it brings out it many Christian communities. I can’t tell you how many churches and church goers are adamant about not celebrating Halloween and instead focus on producing harvest parties. The sad thing is this just shows the lack of thought, research, and historical perspective these Christians bring to the table. Lets ponder this first, how the holiday is celebrated. It is the same whether you call it Halloween or a harvest festival. Both ways you let people get dressed up for a party and provide games and free candy for the attendants. So really though if you are trying to move away from the “dreaded pagan origins” and you think that calling it a harvest festival is doing that let me enlighten you. The holiday is believed to have originated in Ireland, and is known in Irish as Oíche Shamhna, literally "Samhain Night". Pre-Christian Celts had an autumn festival, Samhain, "End of Summer", a pastoral and agricultural "fire festival" or feast, when the dead revisited the mortal world and large communal bonfires would hence be lit to ward off evil spirits. In summary the original pagan event was pretty much a harvest festival. Halloween is actually a holiday instigated in part by the church. Pope Gregory IV standardized the date of All Saints' Day, or All Hallows' Day, on November 1 in the name of the entire Western Church in 835. As the church day began at sunset, the holiday coincided exactly with Samhain. So really if a historical and even logical approach is taken is makes more sense that we call our celebrations Halloween celebrations rather than calling them harvest festivals. Now a lot of people object to the pumpkins, costumes, and trick or treating because of supposed roots in evil but I think this too is rather foolish. These symbols even if they were at one time symbols of darkness have by this point lost any connection to their past. The vast majority of celebrators world wide have no idea where the symbols come from or regard the holiday as anything more than another excuse to dress up, party, and get loads of free candy. I would argue that most of the Christians who object have very little idea of the origins of the things to which they object. Let me run down the list of the top three focusing primarily on their appearance in the States.
The jack-o'-lantern can be traced back to the Irish legend of Stingy Jack, a greedy, gambling, hard drinking old farmer who tricked the devil into climbing a tree, and trapped him by carving a cross into the trunk of the tree. In revenge, the devil placed a curse on Jack which dooms him to forever wander the earth at night. For centuries, the bedtime parable was told by Irish parents to their children. So basically the origin is a superstitious urban legend and just because the story involves the devil it doesn’t make it anymore than a story. Many early American folklore tales involve similar storylines. The carved pumpkin was associated generally with harvest time in America, and did not become specifically associated with Halloween until the mid to late 19th century. So honestly the American association is almost entirely benign. You who are objecting to these, do you know the legend of stingy jack and more importantly does it matter? When you watch those anti-Halloween propaganda films they usually tie the tradition to Scotland where Children used to dress up in costumes and carry around a "Neepy Candle," a devil face carved into a hollowed out Neep, lit from inside, to frighten away the evil faeries. Yes ladies and gentleman fairies, not evil spirits as the narrator will try to convince you. Are you really worried that your children will be influenced to believe in fairies if they light a pumpkin? And if so did you let your kids watch Peter Pan or read Anderson’s Fairy Tales? I rest my case.
The main event for children of modern Halloween in the United States and Canada is trick-or-treating, in which children disguise themselves in costumes and go door-to-door in their neighborhoods, ringing each doorbell and yelling "trick or treat!" to solicit a gift of candy or similar items. Halloween was perceived as the night during which the division between the world of the living and the otherworld was blurred so spirits of the dead and inhabitants from the underworld were able to walk free on the earth. It was believed necessary to dress as a spirit or otherworldly creature when venturing outdoors to blend in, and this is where dressing in such a manner for Halloween comes from. This gradually evolved into trick-or-treating because children would knock on their neighbors' doors, in order to gather fruit, nuts, and sweets for the Halloween festival. Once again I want to point out that the origins of the costumes are almost entirely unknown to the majority of and therefore irrelevant. People don’t dress up to fit in with the spirit world they, at present, dress up to fit in at the office party. Furthermore in an American context although the practice resembles the older traditions of guising in Ireland and Scotland, ritual begging on Halloween does not appear in English-speaking North America until the 20th century, and may have developed independently.
The imagery surrounding Halloween is largely an amalgamation of the Halloween season itself, nearly a century of work from American filmmakers and graphic artists, and a rather commercialized take on the dark and mysterious. If you are against Halloween I would suggest that the position is largely one you were likely fed by another uninformed person and I suggest looking into it yourself. If the “suspect origins” bother you let me give you another reason to just get over it. Let’s, just for kicks, lay out the origins of Christmas. A winter festival was traditionally the most popular festival of the year in many cultures. Reasons included less agricultural work needing to be done during the winter, as well as people expecting longer days and shorter nights after the winter solstice in the Northern Hemisphere. In part, the Christmas celebration was created by the early Church in order to entice pagan Romans to convert to Christianity without losing their own winter celebrations. Most of the most important gods in the religions of Ishtar and Mithra had their birthdays on December 25. Various Christmas traditions are considered to have been syncretised from winter festivals including the following: Saturnalia, Natalis Solis Invicti, and Yule. Another example of a tradition with pagan origins that was lost its association with them entirely and become benign would be the twelve days of Christmas which were derived from the winter festival called Yule, held in the late December to early January period. Yule logs were lit to honor Thor, the god of thunder, with the belief that each spark from the fire represented a new pig or calf that would be born during the coming year. Feasting would continue until the log burned out, which could take as many as twelve days. I would argue that if you are overlooking all the associations on other holidays why then do you focus your lens on Halloween? Admit it’s just because it seems darker than others but if all you have is a gut feeling without evidence than it is useless for arriving at truth.
In closing I have this to say. This Halloween spend time with the people you love, get dressed, go to a party, give kids candy and try to make everyone’s night splendid. Let the church provide kids with safe places off the streets to get their sugar fix, let them be artistic with a gourd. Honestly I am positive you will be a better witness for Christ, more loving to others, and make better use of the life God has given you.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Me trying to explain why I can't seem to blog right now
I am sitting here in Ryan’s living room. All is quiet except for the faint hum of our laptops, Death Cab for Cutie and the faint wail of sirens. I wanted to blog I guess. I even selected topics and yet here I sit. On Saturday my wife is coming down for a week. I haven’t seen her in two months. I know for many marriages this is nothing. I mean to someone like Jenn reading this any complaints on my end would be laughable. It’s all about perspective I guess. I have always hated those married people who make a big scene if they haven’t seen their other half for a week. I keep as much as I can to myself about the distance issues. Mostly I can deal with it fine, it’s a choice really, and life is full of situations where doing the best thing requires sacrifice and we can adapt to anything. Dealing with life quietly, excepting hardship with dignity, these are things I have always thought honorable. This week is atypically hard though, mostly because she will be here soon. It’s the same as the way a child can accept that Christmas is a long way off all year with out a complaint but that last week before the day seems to encompass more hours than the rest of the year.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
I've been trading ideas with intriguing men, and I...
This weekend I was lucky enough to get to spend a ton of time with Eric’s friend Steve. I really love this guy and we get along really well. We spend most of our time making fun of stuff. Today for example a truck passed us and as we were driving to a movie and we only got a glimpse of the bumper sticker. This is the conversation that followed.
(After we got our first glimpse)
Eric: “Does that say ‘Pist Control’?”
Jeff: “So what the hell is a pist?”
Steve: “And extending that, why do we have to control it?”
Eric: “Pist….maybe pest control?”
Jeff: “I thought it said pist.”
Steve: “That’s what I saw.”
Jeff: “And was it just my imagination or was the picture under it of a shark eating a mermaid.”
Steve: “Really…..I thought it was a weasel in a firefighter’s jacket.”
Eric: “Well at least the guy is making his point clearly.”
Steve: “The funny thing is the standard of deviation between what we saw makes it so there’s no plausible middle ground.”
Jeff: “Maybe it’s a mermaid in a firefighter’s jacket eating a weasel.”
Eric: “…while riding a shark.”
Steve: “Or it could be a mermaid in a shark costume wearing a firefighter’s jacket balancing a weasel on her head.”
Luckily the guy parked his truck in the same lot as us so we walked over to have a look at the bumper sticker.
(On the way to the truck)
Jeff: “I bet it’s going to be a shark attacking a boat which contains a mermaid and a weasel in a firefighter’s jacket.”
Eric: “It’s going to be lame.”
Once we got over to the truck the results of our inspection were predictably lame. The title of the icon was “pest control” and showed a shark eating a seal. Now I could start on a tirade of abuse against this “it’s the seals fault we killed all the fish” mentality but I won’t.
(As we viewed the sticker)
Steve: “Well….”
Jeff: “That’s lame as hell.”
Eric: “What did I tell you.”
(After we got our first glimpse)
Eric: “Does that say ‘Pist Control’?”
Jeff: “So what the hell is a pist?”
Steve: “And extending that, why do we have to control it?”
Eric: “Pist….maybe pest control?”
Jeff: “I thought it said pist.”
Steve: “That’s what I saw.”
Jeff: “And was it just my imagination or was the picture under it of a shark eating a mermaid.”
Steve: “Really…..I thought it was a weasel in a firefighter’s jacket.”
Eric: “Well at least the guy is making his point clearly.”
Steve: “The funny thing is the standard of deviation between what we saw makes it so there’s no plausible middle ground.”
Jeff: “Maybe it’s a mermaid in a firefighter’s jacket eating a weasel.”
Eric: “…while riding a shark.”
Steve: “Or it could be a mermaid in a shark costume wearing a firefighter’s jacket balancing a weasel on her head.”
Luckily the guy parked his truck in the same lot as us so we walked over to have a look at the bumper sticker.
(On the way to the truck)
Jeff: “I bet it’s going to be a shark attacking a boat which contains a mermaid and a weasel in a firefighter’s jacket.”
Eric: “It’s going to be lame.”
Once we got over to the truck the results of our inspection were predictably lame. The title of the icon was “pest control” and showed a shark eating a seal. Now I could start on a tirade of abuse against this “it’s the seals fault we killed all the fish” mentality but I won’t.
(As we viewed the sticker)
Steve: “Well….”
Jeff: “That’s lame as hell.”
Eric: “What did I tell you.”
Monday, October 15, 2007
Yeah, I know my game play is sub-par.
Readers of my blog rejoice with me!This is an auspicious day. This is a day to be remembered. On this day I have survived an epic zealot rush. I did this with only a single siege tank and two fully loaded bunkers. My use of supply depots as walls (and yes it’s an old tactic I should have started using years ago) gave me the edge I needed to send those zealots packing.
Of course they came back with a parcel of High Templar and a Zerg Queen and did a bit of damage but with Eric’s fleet and mine we finished off our 6 opponents.
By the way….Starcraft II is coming out. You should be excited, you should watch the trailer, and you should be even now planning attack strategies based on the Terran and Protoss game play trailers.
And in the faces you meet, you'll see the place where you'll die
I have thought a lot about funerals. I think I posted on my blog early on about my general dislike of them. I am not sure I even want to have one. I was talking about it with Ryan and he made the point that funerals aren’t for the person who kicked it anyway, which is true. I think my biggest objection is that when someone dies no one seems to be able to view the person objectively. Everyone is so afraid to say something bad even if it’s true. That’s why I have always been somewhat opposed. I know my failings and they are fairly large and I want in my death for people to be able to be honest about them rather than try to pretend I never had them. The other thing is I don’t want to have a bunch of people hanging out being miserable; funerals tend to be too formal and to rigid for me. When I go I want the service, since I am sure it will happen, to be short. I only want one person to stand up and speak, that person being Ryan Sey. Elaine has already agreed to be my speaker for the dead and to take it upon herself to say all the things I never was able to or took the time to say in life. I trust her to be totally honest and I know she knows more about what I feel than anyone else. I only want two songs to be played, no more. The first being Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape by Underoath and the second being Come, Lord Jesus by Andrew Peterson. I already decided to go the route of cremation and I would rather not have anyone do the whole distributing of the ashes thing. I have had to do that myself for grandparents and it’s not something I recommend. Elaine can dump that stuff in the ocean in a manner of her choosing accompanied only by those she selects. Eric mentioned that he sort of wants to leave a written note to be read by somebody. I think it’s an interesting idea but honestly I would only be inclined to write something irreverent. “Since you’re all hearing this I guess I snuffed it and that kind of sucks. Anyway since I am dead I suggest the open bar, go on get lit, it's what I would have wanted.” That or place a profanity at the end so as to force the reader to swear in front of the assembled crowd. If anyone can work up a good eulogy lament based entirely on Starcraft and or World of Warcraft then they should throw that out there too. I just don’t want it to be a huge depressing, stiff formal, event where people lie about what my life was. Keep it short, let Ryan do the talking, give those who came access to good food plenty of alcohol and by all means keep it light and have a good a time as you can. Dying is far from the worst that can happen, after all what waits after death is closer to life then this ever was. And even if, though I don’t believe it, death brings oblivion I am at least content with the way I spent life. 
Now before you all are horrified by the picture I put up of death with a kitten I need to make one thing clear. First I can't seem to remove it and second this is Death, as in Death the character as conceived and written by Terry Pratchett. His version of death is one of my favorite of his characters, anytime death speaks its allways in all caps. Here a just a few quotes to illistrate.
"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while?" Death thought about it "CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE.”
"I MUST SAY THESE ARE VERY GOOD BISCUITS. HOW DO THEY GET THE BITS OF CHOCOLATE IN?"
-- Death has a snack (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)
"DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING", said Death. "JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH."
"DID YOU SAY HUMANS PLAY IT FOR FUN?" "Some of them get to be very good at it, yes. I'm only an amateur, I'm afraid" "BUT THEY ONLY LIVE EIGHTY OR NINETY YEARS!"
- Death discusses the difficulties of bridge
Now before you all are horrified by the picture I put up of death with a kitten I need to make one thing clear. First I can't seem to remove it and second this is Death, as in Death the character as conceived and written by Terry Pratchett. His version of death is one of my favorite of his characters, anytime death speaks its allways in all caps. Here a just a few quotes to illistrate.
"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while?" Death thought about it "CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE.”
"I MUST SAY THESE ARE VERY GOOD BISCUITS. HOW DO THEY GET THE BITS OF CHOCOLATE IN?"
-- Death has a snack (Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies)
"DON'T THINK OF IT AS DYING", said Death. "JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH."
"DID YOU SAY HUMANS PLAY IT FOR FUN?" "Some of them get to be very good at it, yes. I'm only an amateur, I'm afraid" "BUT THEY ONLY LIVE EIGHTY OR NINETY YEARS!"
- Death discusses the difficulties of bridge
You have caused confusion and delay.
I randomly get the urge to mess with people. I haven’t ever done it but I am always inclined to. What I mean by that can best be explained by a few examples.
A couple of nights ago I went to BJ’s with some friends. It was really busy at the restaurant and they eventually seated us on the patio next to a 10 or 15 year high school reunion. As a result the patio was so loud we could barley hear each other. I personally wasn’t annoyed; I was actually sort of energized by it. What I wanted to do but didn’t was walk over to the reunion and try to pass myself off as part of their class. I figured I could accomplish this by outright fabrications or the equally effective misdirection. I just thought it would be fun, because making crap up is one of my specialties and it would also allow me to partake of their open bar.
Tonight I was at Claim Jumpers and when I walked into the bathroom there was this guy standing in front of the mirror alone in contemplation. What I wanted to do is walk over to him and say something like this.
“Hey, I am doing my best working the table. Now I’ve put in some good words for you and prepped it for you triumphant return from the restroom. But man I got to be honest, it’s a tough crowd. So it’s up to you now to get in there and bring this wagon home.” Then grab him by both shoulders and stare right at him and say “Good luck buddy” and then turn abruptly and walk into a stall before he can react.
Sometimes if I am walking past someone in a fast food line I have the urge to say as I pass something like; “I checked the meter like you asked me because you were worried about the parking here and I want you to know we are in the clear. The thing that you parked next to wasn’t a meter, so no worries.”
P.S. Thomas the tank engine is by far one of the dullest shows I have ever seen. Horrible does not even begin to adequately describe it.
A couple of nights ago I went to BJ’s with some friends. It was really busy at the restaurant and they eventually seated us on the patio next to a 10 or 15 year high school reunion. As a result the patio was so loud we could barley hear each other. I personally wasn’t annoyed; I was actually sort of energized by it. What I wanted to do but didn’t was walk over to the reunion and try to pass myself off as part of their class. I figured I could accomplish this by outright fabrications or the equally effective misdirection. I just thought it would be fun, because making crap up is one of my specialties and it would also allow me to partake of their open bar.
Tonight I was at Claim Jumpers and when I walked into the bathroom there was this guy standing in front of the mirror alone in contemplation. What I wanted to do is walk over to him and say something like this.
“Hey, I am doing my best working the table. Now I’ve put in some good words for you and prepped it for you triumphant return from the restroom. But man I got to be honest, it’s a tough crowd. So it’s up to you now to get in there and bring this wagon home.” Then grab him by both shoulders and stare right at him and say “Good luck buddy” and then turn abruptly and walk into a stall before he can react.
Sometimes if I am walking past someone in a fast food line I have the urge to say as I pass something like; “I checked the meter like you asked me because you were worried about the parking here and I want you to know we are in the clear. The thing that you parked next to wasn’t a meter, so no worries.”
P.S. Thomas the tank engine is by far one of the dullest shows I have ever seen. Horrible does not even begin to adequately describe it.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
We'll go out babe, drink moonshine
One hand must wash the other
Each man must be a brother
Band up and take cover
We'll go dancing, set fires
Tag buildings and slash tires
Drive go-carts like Shriners
We'll go out babe, skateboarding
Go looting, food hoarding
Whatever you desire
Each man must be a brother
Band up and take cover
We'll go dancing, set fires
Tag buildings and slash tires
Drive go-carts like Shriners
We'll go out babe, skateboarding
Go looting, food hoarding
Whatever you desire
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Understanding In a Car Crash
"Death hangs over thee. While thou still live, while thou may, do good."
Here is what went down.
I was driving North on the 710 going between 55 and 60. I was relaxed and listening to Modest Mouse’s song Life Like Weeds so there was a good sized gap between me and the traffic in front of me. Traffic was heavier than usual but moving really well. Suddenly everybody slammed on their breaks. It was one of those 60 to 0 things that I noticed first as clouds of smoke announced the desperate attempts of the cars in front of me to stop. A couple of cars were even forced to swing into the shoulder to avoid collisions. I was humming along with the music and as I watched the cars in front of making panicked stops I remember thinking “oh I guess we are stopping now.” I laid my foot down on the break still humming and completely relaxed. I got my car stopped in time, mostly because I had left myself the room. I was almost touching the guy in front of me when I had got it stopped. I looked in the re-view mirror to see how the guys behind me were doing and saw that the guy behind me was in trouble. He had been going a little faster than me and when he had jammed on his breaks he had trouble keeping it in line. He was fish-tailing all over the lane first to one side then to the other smoke pouring from the tires the whole while. I just sat there watching him approach and I only thought “hmm, well look at that.” My body didn’t even tense. I only looked away because my peripheral caught the guy in front of me moving again. The traffic went from 0 to 45 in a tenth of a second, no indication why we had stopped. I thought to myself “interesting” and accelerated forgetting about the car behind me still slewing sideways across the lane. The combination of my moving again and his slight reduction in speed meant that there was no collision. Had traffic not started moving again that would not have been the case.
I didn’t even think about it after the fact until I went to merge onto the 91 East and the guy cut me off. Then it struck me that I hadn’t felt anything even as I was almost run down. It doesn’t bother me, it’s just strange. Honestly in that moment I probably could have watched a semi barreling down on me bringing death and had no stronger a reaction than to think “hmm, well now” with a almost complete detachment.
Friday, October 5, 2007
I dream of Warcraft
So I had this dream last night and I have decided its worth sharing with the rest of you. No, it does not involve raptors, it is not inspired by Oreos, and in no portion does it include an animal pelt made of pure evil. But here it is anyway, submitted for your approval dream #4,568.37.
I dreamt last night that Ryan decided to help me out a little in the gear department by taking my level 51 night elf into a battle ground to get some honor points. I had gone to check on Elaine because we were supposed to be leaving for a trip of our own. She was still chatting with her folks even though we were running exceptionally late. We were running late on a level that leaves you pacing anxiously making little whimpering sounds and nervously wringing your hands. Since we wouldn’t be leaving the house anytime soon I went back to the computer to see how the leveling of my character was progressing. Arriving at the laptop I was horrified to find that Ryan had given up on my character and she was sitting in the middle of an active battle ground doing nothing tagged as away from computer. While I was watching an aura descended around my character accompanied by the text “fear and hatred envelope you” which quite clearly meant in the dream, as it would in real life, that all my teammates were ready to kill me for not helping them out. So I began to quietly fret and then Ryan’s character Sloppy Joe came running up to me all the while texting “Feign death! Feign death!” which really makes no sense as it is a skill Druids like my character don’t have. For some reason though in the dream I can do this and I did, thereby making it look like I got wreaked by the Horde which pacifies my team and doesn’t cost me a death with is pretty good for me. After that I headed out for the enemies base. On this particular battle ground there were a bunch of ambient animals just wandering around. They were the species used by the Draenei race as mounts and for some reason they all were hostile. I went for the base but was bum-rushed by a herd of elephants and had to tuck tail and run. Also the enemy’s base was guarded by a nice colony of Orc NPC’s. (A NPC is a non-character player for those of you with limited experience.) So I gave up on the idea of a frontal assault. After that I wandered around and came across a Troll rouge sneaking up on a Human warrior. I dropped into cat from and stealthed. I hit her from behind before she could go after the warrior and I got one shot off but when I went for my second strike Ryan had changed all the keys and so instead of smacking her I switched to bear form. Now in this situation bear form was exactly the wrong way to go firstly because its crap as strategy and secondly because of Ryan’s nonsensical key changes. On entering bear form I found that all my attack keys had new icons which was the same for each one. The normal icons depicting bear claws doing unpleasant things to a persons stomach had been replaced by a cartoonish image of a pig's smiling face. My attempts to use my attacks only caused a corny piece of country-ish instrumental music to begin playing and my character to hop around like she was having a seizure. The rouge I had been fighting stopped attacking me and emoted a shrug then ran off.
I dreamt last night that Ryan decided to help me out a little in the gear department by taking my level 51 night elf into a battle ground to get some honor points. I had gone to check on Elaine because we were supposed to be leaving for a trip of our own. She was still chatting with her folks even though we were running exceptionally late. We were running late on a level that leaves you pacing anxiously making little whimpering sounds and nervously wringing your hands. Since we wouldn’t be leaving the house anytime soon I went back to the computer to see how the leveling of my character was progressing. Arriving at the laptop I was horrified to find that Ryan had given up on my character and she was sitting in the middle of an active battle ground doing nothing tagged as away from computer. While I was watching an aura descended around my character accompanied by the text “fear and hatred envelope you” which quite clearly meant in the dream, as it would in real life, that all my teammates were ready to kill me for not helping them out. So I began to quietly fret and then Ryan’s character Sloppy Joe came running up to me all the while texting “Feign death! Feign death!” which really makes no sense as it is a skill Druids like my character don’t have. For some reason though in the dream I can do this and I did, thereby making it look like I got wreaked by the Horde which pacifies my team and doesn’t cost me a death with is pretty good for me. After that I headed out for the enemies base. On this particular battle ground there were a bunch of ambient animals just wandering around. They were the species used by the Draenei race as mounts and for some reason they all were hostile. I went for the base but was bum-rushed by a herd of elephants and had to tuck tail and run. Also the enemy’s base was guarded by a nice colony of Orc NPC’s. (A NPC is a non-character player for those of you with limited experience.) So I gave up on the idea of a frontal assault. After that I wandered around and came across a Troll rouge sneaking up on a Human warrior. I dropped into cat from and stealthed. I hit her from behind before she could go after the warrior and I got one shot off but when I went for my second strike Ryan had changed all the keys and so instead of smacking her I switched to bear form. Now in this situation bear form was exactly the wrong way to go firstly because its crap as strategy and secondly because of Ryan’s nonsensical key changes. On entering bear form I found that all my attack keys had new icons which was the same for each one. The normal icons depicting bear claws doing unpleasant things to a persons stomach had been replaced by a cartoonish image of a pig's smiling face. My attempts to use my attacks only caused a corny piece of country-ish instrumental music to begin playing and my character to hop around like she was having a seizure. The rouge I had been fighting stopped attacking me and emoted a shrug then ran off.
That’s right folks I had an anxiety dream about online gaming, I am the biggest nerd.
Performance anxiety
It’s not just for the bedroom anymore!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Lives
Everyone's afraid of their own life
If you could be anything you want
I bet you'd be disappointed, am I right?
I had just feed the Leafy Sea Dragons and was standing in the aquarium on the public side watching to make sure they all ate and I got to talking to this guy. He was pretty young and on his way back from a two week trip to Catalina Island. He worked at an aquarium store in Northern California. The point of this was that as we were talking it became apparent that he viewed my job and my participation in it as living the dream. It made me feel weird, because though I love my job I don’t feel like I am living the dream. It occurred to me that a good portion of other people would look at this guy’s vacation and his boat he took it on as living the dream. I wonder if to some degree everyone spends much of there life staring at the horizon. The Counting Crows say “If you've never stared off into the distance then your life is a shame” and it’s true but what are we to make of the obsessive focus on the next thing that reduces what we have accomplished to an unsatisfying interim until the next thing. I wouldn’t say it’s a “the grass is greener” thing, it’s more of a pursuing the horizon. This job, that degree all are ends to other things and so are unfulfilling in themselves in the meantime. It’s like we focus so much on the horizon the present is lost. To this guy I am living the dream. I love my job but my mind is full of the next steps to make a job like this a more permanent reality. He sees me behind the tanks working and I see the eventual December. It seems that this excessive forward focus and marginalization of the present is fairly universal. Its either that or people squander their lives by focusing on the immediate pleasure and one day look up to realize that their life is ending with nothing worthwhile or lasting attempted.
It’s scary to think that we could be living the dream, that this reality in the present is what we have to work with. It’s scary trying to pursue your dreams. The more effort you make the greater chance of failure. Apathy and small comforts will ensure a fairly painless and trivial life. I spent so much of my life afraid, and I’ll level with you, I am scared now. I keep moving forward in small steps. I know another more capable person given the same materials and experiences could have fashioned them into something far greater. Maybe the greatest challenge is to enjoy how far we get without becoming prideful or comparing ourselves to some non-existent standard of performance.
Night
Do I divide and fall apart?
Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all my dark
And the ship went down in sight of land
I went for a long walk last night, across Biola and beyond it. I found myself staying in the shadows avoiding the pooled light from the street lamps. I was feeling down, a diffuse sort of black absence that left a dull ache. It came on suddenly, no clue why, just another compelling proof that I am a stranger even to myself. I went for a long walk to help it pass.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
I am just a man who knows how to feel.
One of the more routine things I do at work is algae scrubbing. This job consists of taking a sponge and wiping down all the interior tanks surfaces with it thereby removing algae. The task is simple, easy and almost guaranteed to soak at least part of your torso, particularly if you are trying to clean the jewel tanks. These are a set of four small tanks that are gorgeous but their placement in a surrounding mass of pipes and low walls makes cleaning them a shirt-soaking series of awkward body contortions. The thing that blows my mind about the job is that everybody loves it. No sooner do I put my hand down in the tank with the sponge then the tank begins to flash as people on the other side begin to frantically take pictures….of my hand…holding a sponge. I remove my hand and the flashes taper off. The same effect is scene when I use the gravel vacuum. Sometimes I go out into the aquarium proper to view the tank from the public side to make sure it looks good. Sometimes I get stuff like this:
I walk out and look at a tank to make sure I got all the algae off.
Lady with two small kids: “Was that YOUR hand in that tank?”
Me: “Oh, yeah. I was just getting rid of some algae.”
Lady with a sense of wonder: “Boys come here. That was this guy’s hand. That hand you saw in the tank a second ago was this guy’s hand.”
Ladies son giving me a big eyed stare: “wow”
Me embarrassed: “Yep…that was me…well you folks enjoy the aquarium I am going to go and tend more tanks.”
Yes folk’s aquarists are rock stars…accept not really.
I walk out and look at a tank to make sure I got all the algae off.
Lady with two small kids: “Was that YOUR hand in that tank?”
Me: “Oh, yeah. I was just getting rid of some algae.”
Lady with a sense of wonder: “Boys come here. That was this guy’s hand. That hand you saw in the tank a second ago was this guy’s hand.”
Ladies son giving me a big eyed stare: “wow”
Me embarrassed: “Yep…that was me…well you folks enjoy the aquarium I am going to go and tend more tanks.”
Yes folk’s aquarists are rock stars…accept not really.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away
Now most of you probably have a further question following my description of work. I hope you enjoyed the intermission provided by the 4th of July party picture I posted. The question you most likely have now is this; “But if you only work about 16 hours a week, what the hell do you do with the rest of your time?” The answer ladies and gentleman is simple. Let me give you a bit of background. I am writing this after taking a break from World Of Warcraft which I was playing with Eric. He is now playing Guitar Hero 2 beside me while I type this and Ryan is on his laptop in the dining room. What I have been doing can be best described in terms of accomplishments.
1. Last night I beat Halo 3. Ryan got it two days ago. Eric, myself and him have also played a ton of vs. rounds.
2. I began a new game of Fable.
3. I got Ryan the game Viva Piñata and really enjoy watching him build his garden.
4. Almaarea (which means blessed in elfish) my WOW night elf character is now level 51 and a half.
5. I bought Crimson Sky and I am half way through that game.
6. Eric, Ryan, and myself have play Starcraft at least 3 times a week.
7. I have watched the first two seasons of Venture Brothers.
8. I have failed countless songs on Guitar Hero 2.
9. I am about halfway through season one of Futurama.
Does anyone see a pattern? That’s right I go to work, play videos games, and spend a ton of time just screwing around with Ryan and Eric. It’s fun and relaxing. Stay up late sleep in late etc. I do my job, I do my best there and stay late if they have work for me and when that’s over I indulge in my hobbies. It is a good life. I just wish my wife were here.
1. Last night I beat Halo 3. Ryan got it two days ago. Eric, myself and him have also played a ton of vs. rounds.
2. I began a new game of Fable.
3. I got Ryan the game Viva Piñata and really enjoy watching him build his garden.
4. Almaarea (which means blessed in elfish) my WOW night elf character is now level 51 and a half.
5. I bought Crimson Sky and I am half way through that game.
6. Eric, Ryan, and myself have play Starcraft at least 3 times a week.
7. I have watched the first two seasons of Venture Brothers.
8. I have failed countless songs on Guitar Hero 2.
9. I am about halfway through season one of Futurama.
Does anyone see a pattern? That’s right I go to work, play videos games, and spend a ton of time just screwing around with Ryan and Eric. It’s fun and relaxing. Stay up late sleep in late etc. I do my job, I do my best there and stay late if they have work for me and when that’s over I indulge in my hobbies. It is a good life. I just wish my wife were here.
Shimmering like a penny out of reach in the subway grate
"A camera, pool and a trampoline equals fun." - Jared
The first degree was a riotWhat I do in California...the work segment
"another uninnocent, elegant fall into the unmagnificent lives of adults"
So you might be wondering “What has Jeff been up to? How is his job? What does he do all night? Does he sleep anymore?” I’ll attempt to answer those questions now. 
I am an intern at the Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific. I work four shifts during the week. My shifts are 8 am to noon on Tuesday and Wednesday and 1 pm to 5 pm on Thursday and Friday. The aquarium consists of three main wings (Southern California and Baja, the Northern Pacific, and the Tropical Pacific.) and an outdoor portion consisting of Shark Lagoon and the Lorikeet Forest aviary. For this internship there is an intern assigned to each of the wings as well as an intern for shark lagoon. I have been tasked to the tropical Pacific portion.
Each day of the week I work I serve under one of the four different main aquarists who manage different sets of tanks that are all contained within the tropical wing. I spend my entire time back behind the scenes doing routine tank maintenance and animal care. Things like cleaning protein skimmers, changing filter bags, performing water changes, cleaning the insides of tanks and scraping algae, preparing food and feeding the animals, hydro-vacuuming tanks, and checking temperature gauges and observing animals to ensure health. I am still learning the more complicated portions of the job but everyone I work with has been really encouraging and helpful. They have even given me the opportunity to do a little bit of work in shark lagoon and suggested that I might be able to go with them the next time they go to the wholesaler to buy more fish for the aquarium. (The wholesale store is a vast warehouse filled with tanks of saltwater fish. It’s an aquarists toy store….I am so excited.) The job was stressful at first but as I have worked more into the habit of my activities I am feeling more comfortable. I like my job a lot. It’s great. The water quality testing and large scale maintenance (for the huge sand filters etc.) are farmed out to specialty portions of the aquarium staff. After I have learned more of the aquarist end of it I hope to be able to learn a little about their jobs. In my job I thankfully don’t have to deal with the public. Last week I ended up having to go into the public areas for a short time to observe a Bonnethead Shark to see if it was feeding. It went like this.Visibly upset lady: “Are you a volunteer?”
Me: “Well, I’m an intern so not exactly...”
Lady interrupting: “Well you work here. Fine. I come here a lot and one of your seahorses over there is lying on its side. I think it’s sick.”
Me trying to talk to her and keep an eye on the shark: “Oh well thank you for telling me I’ll head over there in just one minute to check it out.”
Lady snorts in irritation and storms off.
That’s just one more reason why I am glad that I don’t work with the public on a regular basis. The sea horse was of course fine, when I got over there it was holding onto sea grass laying on the bottom looking around to see if there was anything interesting to eat.
On any given day it works like this:
1. Arrive and find the aquarist I am working with.
2. Change filter bags, clean protein skimmers
3. Prepare food and feed
4. Clean up after food prep
5. Hydro clean tanks, maybe algae scrub
Etc. etc.
Interesting things I have done at work:
1. Hand feeding Burrfish (a type of small puffer fish)
2. Standing in waders inside the Stinging Catfish tank to scrub algae
3. Feeding Stonefish
4. Helping move a sea turtle out of a tank so the vet could treat it.
5. Feeding Black Tip Reef Sharks and Zebra Sharks.
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